Hundreds of thousands of teenagers across England, Wales and Northern Ireland received their exam results on Thursday, with many discovering whether they would go on to university, take up an apprenticeship or enter the workforce.

While results day can be an exciting time for many, it can also bring anxiety and disappointment for others.

For parents, knowing how best to support a teenager dealing with A-level disappointment can be a difficult balancing act. We spoke to Jane Darougar, a BACP-accredited psychotherapist and counsellor at the University of the Arts London (UAL), who shared her seven top tips for helping your child through this.

1. Park your own feelings

“Try and park your own disappointment, dreams and wishes for your child, because you don’t want that to burden your child. You don’t want them to feel you’re carrying feelings of upset as well,” advises Darougar.

“Remember that today is about your child, and is not about you.”

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2. Validate their feelings but not their cognitive distortions

“Don’t be dismissive of their sadness and disappointment, and try to validate their feelings. However, don’t validate the cognitive distortions that come out of those feelings,” recommends the psychotherapist.

“If somebody feels like a failure because their results are not what they hoped for, the cognitive distortion would be catastrophising and statements like ‘I’m a failure in life. I’m never going to get anywhere’.

“Validate their feelings of disappointment but also remind them this doesn’t mean that they are a failure as a person and just means that they’ve had this experience and setback.

“Try to help them differentiate between these feelings and the conclusions that they might draw from them.”

3. Use the GPS analogy

Darougar suggests using psychotherapist and Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein’s GPS analogy to help your child understand that sometimes rejection is just redirection.

“This idea highlights how if you take a wrong turn in the car, the GPS doesn’t tell you that you’re a failure or say you’re never going to reach your destination. It just recalculates a different route,” explains Darougar.

“So, if we can try to adopt that when we hit a setback and, instead of feeling dreadful or angry, just think, okay, my route’s going to be different. Sometimes it’s about recognising that when you do take an off-piste route, it can take you to a very different destination that might be equal or better.”

4. Suggest a break from social media

“Remind them that people’s social media presence is heavily curated and doesn’t show the whole picture,” advises the psychotherapist.

“If they are scrolling through lots of messages and it’s hitting them really hard, suggest an alternative activity such as baking bread or going for a walk together to distract them for a little while.”

5. Give them space and don’t force conversations about the future

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“Meet them where they’re at and don’t force conversations about their results and the future if they are not ready to talk about it,” recommends Darougar.

“They might just want to lock themselves in their bedroom and cry.

“The important thing is to just let them know you care and you’re there when they are ready to talk.”

6. Make sure they have eaten

“If your child has been up all night and hasn’t had anything to eat, their blood sugar levels will be very low and they will be very tired, which can make these negative feelings feel more intense,” says the psychotherapist.

“None of us are at our best when we’re not rested and are hungry, so try to encourage them to eat and get some fresh air.”

7. Seek support

Most schools and colleges will have pastoral staff on call on results day.

“If you’re worried about your child, you could ring their school or college and ask if they have a counsellor or safeguarding lead around that you could talk to, to get some external advice from,” suggests Darougar.